The big news. I mean BIG news

I guess there is no clever way to say this, though I’ve been trying to devise some way to phrase it so the full magnitude comes across. However, it is just one of those things that when simply stated, the importance is conveyed in the simple words themselves: Kristie and I are going to have a child.

I have always disliked the saying “We’re pregnant.” No we are not. Kristie is. She has to go through it all. I just have to be as supportive as possible.

The due date is Septmember 27.

But really it hasn’t sunk in yet. At first, I could hardly sleep. I kept thinking about all that my father did for me and I knew there was no way I could possibly live up to that. In fact, I started keeping a little journal of letters to Dad that I was writing – just to help fill him in on all that has been going on and questions I have that I wish he was here to answer. I put them on Kristie’s ipod that I gave her for Valentine’s Day. That has helped alleviate some of my fears.

But the world is forever changed now. As am I.

I find myself thinking “Would a father act like this?” or “How would Dad have handled this?” Let’s just say, I have a long way to go to get ready to be the man I need to be.

Then there are the times where I’ll just find myself near tears thinking about our child. I was telling Kristie a few weeks ago, “What happens they just come running and leap into my arms? What happens when they just jump in bed with us because they can’t sleep anymore? What will I do when they start crying?”

A few weeks ago, I was picking up some things from the printer in the English lab after school when I spotted a lone boy out on the Catholic school playground across the street. He was just twirling around and having a great time. I tried to picture when he was and who he was (he was using his imagination and I have no doubt that he was off somewhere in his mind. He was most certainly anywhere else on earth than right in that playground). Before I knew it, I had tears in my eyes.

I’m going to be a mess when this little baby finally arrives. I already can’t wait for Christmases, tricking and treating, going on the same paths and through the same woods my dad took me (we live roughly one block east and one block south from where I grew up), playing catch, teaching them how to ride a bike, buying toys, putting Legos together.

I told Kristie that I never need another birthday or Christmas gift ever again.