Smack Down

What a tedious thing it is teaching research and literary analysis. I had to have it out with several boys in my College Comp class. First of all, I walked into the room and two were mock wrestling so I lost it. On top of that many then saw their latest essays (a literary analysis of either “Young Goodman Brown” or “The Things They Carried”) on their desks. One boy in particular has really become quite a whiner. And if it’s one thing I cannot abide, it’s a whiner. Whining is like nails on a chalkboard.

So I lost it again. I explained, in a rather heated tone, that I was sick of some students expecting to do well just because they are so and so’s kid or have done well before. That’s a load of crap. Next I explained, in a rather passionate tone, that I was tired of some students not taking their assignments seriously. I noted how I had three essays from the class that I’d put up against any freshman or sophomore college students around. They were that good. But there were many (mainly those who were whining) that had chosen to squander their class time, neglect to take notes, fail to participate in discussion, and resort to tomfoolery in the computer lab (they know I’m pissed when I whip out the word tomfoolery). Finally, I explained, in a rather animated tone, that I liked everyone in the class and that grading wasn’t personal and that if they didn’t like their grades then they better start changing their efforts.

And the result - stunned silence. A pout here and there. A wicked smirk from a couple of the ones who had turned in the stunning essays.

I do love this class and these kids. But some of them test me all the damn time. It used to be mostly the girls. But they now have accepted the workload. It’s not the male jocks who need to get over losing in the first round of state and the start of their winter seasons and get back to work.

In an effort to explain my frustration, I noted to the class that I had one paper in particular that had two theses! It’s bad enough having to do one. Why would you do two? Failure to pay attention? Lack of sleep? Drugs? What? (The drugs comment got some chuckles). Then another I noted how on another paper (again from the jock section) the writer was trying to analyze how the struggles of war are represented in “The Things They Carried” through symbolism, character, and plot. Yet, he ended up rarely ever mentioning “the struggles of war.” He mostly just rambled on about different symbolism, characters, and plot functions.

Finally, I told them that writing a literary analysis isn’t hard. Choose a topic. Do an outline. Stick to the form. Take notes while you read (I imagine none of the jocks thought to do that even though I told them again and again and again and again). Do a rough draft. Have me look at it. Have a peer look at it. Edit it into a second draft. Ask more questions. Consult an MLA guidebook. Then turn the damned thing in and enjoy the rest of your life. Don’t make it more work than it is. If some of you worked as hard on the paper as you did whining, pouting, and messing around on youtube, myspace, or itunes, you’d have earned your precious little A.

That woke them up. Then I gave them their second novel test. Merry Christmas. And a happy New Year!