Dad will be released from the hospital this week. His physical therapy begins today. He hasn’t been walking in two weeks. But he has spent time sitting up in a chair. A small victory. But given that this time last week I thought he would be dead by now, it’s more than a small victory.
Late last week Dad’s new chemo pills arrived. Three thousand dollars for a months supply. His health insurance pays for half. I hope it’s worth the investment. But there’s no amount I wouldn’t pay to have him longer.
Kristie, Koko, Casey, and I - along with Kristie’s mother, Gail, spent Christmas Eve with Dad in his hospital room. My sister’s family showed up as well. It was a good night.
The people continue to pour in to see Dad. Last week when I was visiting him, an old classmate stopped by with her older sister. They are daughters of a close friend of Dad’s. But they are both chatter boxes who tend to drive you (me) nuts. When they came in, I just looked at Dad and smiled. Then I said, “Well, Dad I hate to be going but I’m late.” Then I got outta there. Poor Dad. They visited with him for about an hour. Dad is like me. He hates to hurt anybody’s feelings or be rude. So he politely listened to them for the entire hour. Even when he tried to make up an excuse to get them to leave (I believe he tried to say that he had to have an IV drip put in), he was out of luck. Both visitors happen to be nurses, so they said they’d be happy to help him with it! Poor guy.
But I know too it proves to Dad how loved he is. Even if he doesn’t realize it on a conscious level, I know he feels it.
*****
Kristie’s side of the family is pretty well dispersed. Her mother lives in GF. Her father and stepmother live in Custer, SD. Her two brothers and a sister live in Denver. But as it happened, all but her sister were up for Christmas.
On the 23rd we met at her mom’s house to celebrate Christmas Eve a day early since her brothers were leaving that night so they could be back to Denver for Christmas Eve. So we went over with them to visit Theola, Kristie’s grandmother (on her father’s side) who is dying from lung cancer.
I always enjoy going over there because that means Kristie’s dad is there and that means his sister, Gail, will be there too. Kristie’s dad’s family is incredibly large. I don’t know the exact number, but judging from one family photo I saw, there had to be at least 8-10 children in it.
Gail is my favorite by far. She is a hoot. Completely off the wall. Right now she is working with a volunteer organization that aids the mentally handicapped. So she works with several residents of East Grand Forks' “Sunshine Terrace” apartments. It is an apartment building where these mentally handicapped people live. The program she is part of helps set these people up with jobs and places to live. The job is fascinating. For the people she works with weren’t born with mental defects. They are all results of accidents or abuse. So she said their apartments are full of objects from their past lives. One young man was an avid sky diver and thrill seeker. But one day heading to work, his car spun out of control on the interstate and he slammed into a bridge - he head struck the frame and he had massive brain damage. Another woman was married to a drunk who came home and ordered her to make him something to eat. As she was peering into the freezer, he came up behind her and seized the door to the freezer and repeatedly slammer her head into the freezer. Eventually she crumpled to the floor, her brain hemorrhaging. Her husband went to bed to sleep it off. He woke to find her still bleeding on the floor. He didn’t remember a thing. He is in prison and she is in the Sunshine Terrace. I don’t know where the kids are.
But what makes all of this so interesting, according to Gail, is how some of the other ‘normal’ residents of the Sunshine Terrace treat these new residents. One longtime resident is an old retired, broken down potato farmer who constantly yells at and picks on all of the ‘retards’ who have invaded his building. Of course, this drives Gail nuts. So she has taught the residents to mock the old man rather than hiding or running from him. So whenever she is working with them and he begins to yell at them, she has taught them to tell him to quit squawking - and then Gail leads them around squawking like chickens- complete with gestures. I think she’s the perfect person for that job. I also think there’s a novel waiting to be written there.
Gail also used to work for the Grand Forks Hospice. Her experiences are amazing. She told of how she was called in to help one of the first cases of AIDS in GF. The man was wasting away. In his final days, he admitted to Gail that he had purposely slept with married women who he would pick up at the local bars. He did this knowing he was HIV positive. He did this to get back at their husbands or really the straight men who had abused and ridiculed him most of his life. I’m not that religious, but I have to think there is a particularly nasty spot in hell where he is seated right now.
Another time Gail was standing by the bedside of a cancer patient who was dying. As she stood there she had an out of body experience. Suddenly, she was looking down on herself standing at the lady’s side. The she saw a bright light come out of the woman and go up and out of the room. Then she was back inside her body, crying. She was pretty freaked out by it. So she began talking to some of her coworkers. They all had experienced similar things. Amazing.
*****
Theola was her usual self - telling it like it is. While we all visited around her, she lit up a cigarette. She might be dying of lung cancer, but she is still quite the healthy 85 year old. In fact, when the doctor gave her the results, he told her to go get a bottle of alcohol and a pack of cigarettes. He must have known her well.
Her aloof son, Don, is up taking care of her. He had been out of the loop for quite awhile. He has fallen on hard times. He has a master’s degree and once had a six figure income. But he came out of the closet, which didn’t sit well with many in his family. Then he got addicted to crack. He has gotten over that, but he is now an alcoholic. When word got out that she was dying, he resurfaced. So she said that was gift enough for her this season.
As we were leaving, Kristie leaned over to say goodbye to her. This is what Theola told her, “The whole family is back together. You know, I’m thankful that Don is back too. He had a bad habit for awhile. Now I guess he’s queer, but every family has one I guess.” Ha. Old Theola.
Earlier when one of her kids asked her how she liked Don’s cooking, she said, “I don’t know about the cooking, but the grocery bill sure has gone up!” Ha. She is a straight shooter if there ever was one.
******
I made it a point to come up to my room today. I’ve been gone too long. I have 32 Comp I essays to read. I have a set of essays to read from my College Comp class to read too. I also have to correct their second book tests. Plus I have to plan for their research paper, which begins when we get back from break.
****
Since Dad’s turn for the worse over the past few weeks, I really haven’t been myself. I’ve been walking around in a haze. Literally. My mind wasn’t sharp. My concentration waned. My head hurt. I was even more random-abstract than usual. Then I got walloped by the mother of all flu bugs. But I’ve been feeling better lately. A few days ago when we went up to GF to celebrate Christmas early, we took our blazer through a car wash in East Grand Forks. The sun was glaring in through the exit door. Then the jets hit our vehicle with wave after wave of water. The water washed down the windshield in miniature waves - like the kind you might see a kid draw in art class. For a split second the windshield was covered with them. They caught the sunlight and trickled it across the windshield, perfectly mingling water and light. I smiled and marveled at how beautiful it was. That when I knew I was back. The haze has been lifted.
Then yesterday I took our dogs out in the back yard to stretch their legs and run around. It was cool - but just a sweatshirt was all I needed - and I smelled the air for the first time in three weeks. It was great. Then I was shocked at how still the world was. It was about 9 am on Christmas Day. A lone bird was chirping from the empty lot across the alley. Then I stood a full minute just enjoying the simple crunching sound of the dogs on the hard snow. My attention to detail is back. I never realized how much I had missed it. I hardly had known it was there. But I guess it’s something my grandmother helped me to develop. I’ve had it ever since. I’m glad it’s back. I’m glad I’m back.
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