My colleague Mike always talks about the life cycle of a hunter. When you're young, you want to kill everything that moves. Then when you get a little older, you realize hunting is being with family and friends and carrying out traditions. As you grow older still, you realize hunting is also about being in tune with nature. Many of my bow hunter friends say they rarely shoot a deer when they go to the woods; they just enjoy being outdoors and being with nature. Finally, a hunter doesn't really care if he shoots anything. He just enjoys going out with his kids and grandkids and seeing them take part in the tradition.
Interestingly, I think this can be applied to coaching.
When I first started coaching 9th grade football at LHS 10 years ago, I was all about winning. Play your best athletes as much as possible and try to win every game. As a result, we didn't win a whole lot. I recall even when we did have superb teams that only lost one game per season, I still thought I could yell my head off or give a rousing speech and that would motivate them to win. But that was never true no matter how hard I wanted to believe it.
After a few years - and varied success - I started to just enjoy being out with the kids and getting to know them and teaching them the finer parts of football. I started to loathe all the meetings and the conditioning. Usually during this time, I'd be cracking jokes with them or just getting to see what their favorite classes are and who their brothers and sisters are. I really lived for the times we'd break into offense and defense and teach the plays. I enjoyed this so much that I didn't really care if we ever even played a game.
Now that I'm at the 8th grade level, winning and losing doesn't enter my mind at all. I just enjoy being with the kids and having fun. If we win, great. If we lose, no big deal. And at times, I kind of wish I could just visit with them all practice long. Even when we do have games, I enjoy seeing the kids' parents and talking with them more than the game.
Yes, I enjoy seeing players learn the schemes and grow and develop, but that intensity I used to have as a young coach is long gone. I hope I never get it back because it was no fun screaming my head thinking I could motivate my team to win that way. It never worked back then, and I'm glad I gave it up a long time ago.
What accounts for this transition? Two things: First, for the first five or six years, all I did was coach the same year over and over. Nothing I did changed to fit the players as they changed. I tried to yell to motivate them. I tried to play the top athletes (what the hell is a top 9th grade athlete anyway? What are the odds they'll work hard enough to remain at that top level all the way through high school? What are the odds the other kids I didn't play suddenly don't lose the baby fat or start to bulk up and then catch up?) and let the others find their way. Bad ideas. Second, I realized that for all my screaming and offensive play calling and playing the top athletes that gave us the best chance to win, no one at that game (other than Mom and Dad when they were alive and my wife and kids now) ever game to see me. They came to see their kids. Even the ones who I just gave garbage time to because I thought they couldn't help us win. That was maybe the biggest mistake of all.
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