Catching Up

I called Kristie after practice and she told me that Allen passed away this morning. According to Gail, he went peacefully. The funeral will be Tuesday, which also happens to the same day as another of Kristie's doctor appointments before our little girl arrives. Juxtaposition.

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Unfortunately for Gail, some messiness may begin with her two sisters in dealing with Allen's estate. He left each sister some money. But he left Gail his house in Mayville. Remember, Allen told Gail that if she sold her trailer house, retired, and moved in with him, he would leave the house to her.

If you know Gail at all - this will not surprise you - she now has promised to give her two sisters two thirds of what Allen paid for the house. The only problem (well, not the only one) is that the house is likely not worth what Allen paid for it. Plus, Gail is going to get his paying taxes on her inheritance (including the house) while her sisters get out of that. Not to mention that if something breaks down in the house, will her sisters split the cost with Gail? Of course not. You can imagine that this didn't sit well with the kids. Kristie was the first Gail told, and Kristie just about flipped.

She reminded Gail that if she just wanted to give away that much money, she had six kids - who had no help with college and were out of the house and living on their own by 18 - and ten grandchildren she could give that money to - rather than her two sisters, who also have done far better financially in their lives than Gail.

Kristie also told Gail that she should start thinking about the future. What happens if she can't take care of herself? A nursing home is not cheap and that money could come in handy for such things rather than going to her sisters who are already getting their fair share of the estate.

This same theory was echoed by Kristie's other siblings.

But Gail is always going to be Gail, and she will never keep anything for herself. Give, give, give. That is Gail. In fact, a few months ago she told us that Allen had given her and her sister each some money for staying with him and helping him out so much. However, Allen did not give anything to his third sister. Well, Gail, of course, felt sorry for her and wanted to give half of her share to her sister! Remember too that this sister did not do anything to help Allen at all.

But that's Gail for you.

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Tomorrow is our annual scrimmage. We usually square off against Crookston, but their numbers are down considerably this year, so they had to cancel on us. Instead we will face Bemidji. But for some reason our AD switched our first game, also against Bemidji, to our last game. Then our traditional opponent for the second game, Red River, dropped us. So we won't play until the second week of September, facing off against Grand Forks Central. The only problem here is that we will likely be Central's fourth or fifth game, and they will be our first.

Our scrimmage, though, will attract scores of parents. This always gets me because it's just a glorified practice. But I suppose parents have had little to do (God forbid they live their own lives), so they will show up in droves for their sons.

Now I'm not suggesting that it's bad to support your child. I'm just saying don't make it more important to yourself than your child.

That was how it was with my dad. I remember going for a few Saturday morning drives with Dad and rehashing the previous night's football game. Of course, Dad had his own ideas about how the game should be played (they were always modeled after how he and his generation played the game). I dreaded these rides, simply because I was incredibly loyal to my coaches, who were all my heroes, and so the rides usually turned into arguments. No major arguments, but we could have spent our time doing something other than bickering.

I often wonder how much of this same thing still goes on. Bruce Brown (http://www.hitrunscore.com/bruce-brown-biography.html) has done a lot of research on this and found that the number one thing athletes hate is the car ride home with dad (or even mom in some cases).

A peer of mine told me at the spring choir concert that he was going to teach his daughter how to really play post during the summer. Now his way of playing, much like my dad's, differed from what the coach wants. So who is the loser in this? His daughter! If she listens to her father, she incurs the wrath of the coach; if she listens to the coach, she incurs the wrath of the father. How stupid is all of this.

Parents, parent. Coaches, coach. Athletes, play and have fun.

Of course, it is even worse when parents live vicariously through their kids' athletic and social lives.

We always tell the kids that just because their fathers played running back or quarter back or center, doesn't necessarily mean that they will. Certainly what their father wants and what we want are sometimes not the same thing. But we will get our way because we are going to do what is best for the athlete and the team, not for dear old Dad and what he wants.

This hit me when Casey decided to not go out for football. Now unlike our newspaper editor's son, Casey didn't quit because he didn't like the sports mentality. Rather, he didn't like to work and lift weights and he enjoys playing paint ball instead. More power to him.

Now, I could get all worked up like some parents and think - by God no step-son of mine will quit football! You have to follow in my footsteps and play linebacker and knock the snot out of people. Bull.

Casey is his own person, and I need to let him be. Even if him playing football would have meant a lot to me. It's his life, not mine.

This was never more apparent than with KoKo last year in softball. She attended nearly every morning session of the sports excel program. She was the only seventh grader to show up in early spring to help put up the new fence. Yet, what does her coach do? She plays her at a different position and lets her split time with others (who didn't attend sports excel or bother to help out with the extra things) and the coach even played some players who had missed a lot of time for other sports.

This pissed Kristie and I off. But KoKo didn't bat an eye. She was just happy to be part of the team and hang out with her friends.

So we followed her lead and acted properly rather than call the coach and voice our concerns.