Homework

“Kurtie can you help me with my English,” KoKo is prone to ask, usually right around 9 o’clock or so. As soon as she says “Kurtie” I know it’s something she really needs because that is what she uses whenever she needs me to do her a favor. And given my profession, helping her with her English homework is the least I can do.

But I wasn’t of much help a few nights ago. KoKo’s English teacher, a former player of mine when I coached at the local community college, is enamored with grammar. At the open house he warned us of that much, stating that much of the first semester will be devoted to grammar.

Internally, I winced. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not anti-grammar. I just know there are much better things to explore in all that the general term “English” encompasses. I also know that this teacher is given quite a bit of latitude with his curriculum.

So KoKo asked for some help with pronouns. Lovely. Just what gets me out of bed in the morning and inspires me to work with kids -- relative, personal, demonstrative, indefinite and any other kinds of pronouns. What would the world do without them?

Looking at KoKo’s worksheet, I had to break it to her that - for the most part - I had no clue. She was a bit shocked. “But you’re an English teacher!” she said.

“Yeah, but I teach the good stuff,” I said and smiled. “Besides, this stuff is easy,” I said and rummaged for one of the dozen or so grammar texts I have scattered throughout our house. Once I found the good old “Basic Language: Messages and Meanings” I looked up pronouns and we went to work.

The following day wasn’t good though. I must have been sloppy in checking over her work, for she had seven wrong. I could only imagine the shock poor KoKo got when - thinking she had it made with her English teacher / stepfather helping her. When she showed it to me she was not pleased.

I tried to ease her fears, but she wasn’t happy. So tonight I carefully checked her conjunction work.

This raises an interesting dilemma for me. I am always sure to support KoKo and what her teacher is doing in his classroom. But - personally - I just think - as I said above - there are too many important things to do rather than circling conjunctions and underlining pronouns.

Don’t get me wrong. I used to give my students grammar worksheets up the whazzoo. I know of which I speak (how’s that for grammar, eh?).

I believe KoKo’s teacher feels like he has control over the teaching of grammar, which is one reason he does it. Although one of our former baby sitters once hid the answer key from him when she was a student and he couldn’t finish the lesson because he obviously didn’t know the rules himself.

For some of the more important things in English (at least in my opinion), like writing and literature - there really are no answer keys or - despite all the new technology and CD roms - perfect lesson plans (thank you, Madaline Hunter). That is one reason people resort to the five paragraph theme. It’s seductively easy to teach.

You can rummage around in a text - thank you “Basic Language: Messages and Meanings” - for grammatical answers, but where can you search for life stories and personal angles on issues and students views on the world around them? That’s why on the first day of every class I tell my students this: “Unlike other classes where the subject and text is about esoteric or something ‘out there’ (I motion to the heavens), this class, though, is all about you and ‘in here’ (I point to my temple). You, your ideas, and your experiences are the subject and text in here.”

But that means that there are no easy guide books. I’m always in search of that illusive answer key.

For the better part of three weeks now I’ve been trying to ‘teach’ my college comp class how to write a descriptive essay. There are no answer keys or great lesson plans for that. It’s messy. It’s sloppy. It’s nerve wracking. It’s keep you up late at night. It’s “Oh I forgot to mention this . . .” It’s devising a list of banned generic words and phrases. It’s teaching it differently every time.

And this is something I’m only now - ten years into this profession - getting down.

I still teach the writing differently every time. But at least I don’t have to resort to relative pronouns and compound subjects. No wonder people get so turned off by English!

But in the end, I wouldn’t trade Nicole’s essay from two days ago about her grandmother’s ring she received after her grandmother’s death - and the handwritten note that accompanied it - an essay that I couldn’t really talk about in front of the class because I would have started crying. So I sucked it up and just danced my way around the essay - I know full well too that several others were feeling the same way.

Next time I’ll do it differently. I think I’ll just let the tears flow. What the hell, right? But I think such a genuine demonstration of the power of writing could do more than any readings and discussion. It sure would have done more than circling pronouns and underlining adjectives.