Student Example

Out of all the essays I read last year, this one is my favorite. It is rough. In terms of grammar, it's a disaster. But in terms of voice and style and personality, it is one of the finest examples of writing to come out of any of my classes last year. I used this during the discussion format of my demostration. It illustrates, or so I believe, the power of exploratory writing. The topic was simply, "what makes you uniquely you?" Students were free to figure that out. No format was given. I told them to aim for a page or two.

Here is the student's essay -

It's eighty degrees out you throw the last ninety pound bundle of shingles on yours shoulder and walk up the ladder. In my mind that's how I'm uniquely me, not to many kids these days actually know what a hard days work is like.
I loved carpentry ever since I was little I remember walking around no older then four watching my dad build are deck, "this guys a genius I wanna do that when I'm older." I thought.
My dad started me working young teaching me step by step what he's doing and I picked up quick, quicker then I do in most classes. It's like that's what I was meant to do is carpentry.
The feeling you get after working your ass off hours in the sun is unmatched in my mind, every day you get to see your accomplishment and know your building somethign people are going to live in for the rest of there life's.
I could pour concrete with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. That stuff and me get along. That is by far what I've done the most of and I love it. When I get older im goign to live in a concrete home, eat on concrete plates, and have concrete kids.

Now that is a hell of a piece of writing. Yeah, it's littered with errors. But that voice and style - in my mind - make that other stuff trivial almost. I used this as an example of how enforcing rigid form can ruin writing. The student, Jack, knows how to begin an essay. He knows how to develop his ideas. And he sure knows how to end an essay. Again, what voice and style. Would he have been capable of this if I would have had him write in the traditional essay format? I don't know.

I also used the essay to illustrate the inneffectiveness of traditional grammar instruction. Jack kicked ass on his grammar worksheets and quizzes. Give him a worksheet and tell him to eliminate the run-ons, and he will go to town. But that obviously didn't transfer to his writing. Why not? I think it's because the two are just too different. He doesn't see a worksheet as his writing. It is an assignment to complete. But this essay was all his.