Beating a dead horse

I lost it with my second block American Lit class. I had planned to review (Jeopardy style - with categories and bonuses and prizes) for their TKM final test tomorrow. But I mistakenly handed out a review sheet as class began. As we were trying to review, I noticed several kids working just on the review sheet. So I gave them a choice - we review as a class or we work on the review sheets individually. They agreed to review as a class.

We didn't get through ten questions of single Jeopardy when I looked up and saw several still working on their review sheets. I told them to focus, and a few of the smart ones caught on that I was serious and put their sheets away. Several of the stupid ones continued to just work on their sheets. I took a deep breath and went on with the review. I did so because I figured most were paying attention and deserved the review session (I was going to give the winning team ten bonus points to apply to their final test).

But I lost it when I asked a question and there was no answer, but at least several students were conferring trying to find the answer. I hummed the Jeopardy theme song, but no one had a clue as to the question. Then I said, "Final chance. Any takers." That was when one of the stupid ones raised her head and said, "What? What was the question again."

I lost it.

I shook my head, took off my glasses, rubbed my eyes, and then said, "Let's just shit can this whole thing. If you want to work on the review sheet, go ahead. But no one will get any bonus points on the test. The test is 100 questions worth 200 points. It will only be given tomorrow. Be there or be square."

Then I sat down at my desk and had to vent here.

Now the entire class is working hard on the review sheet. But what pisses me off is that when I try to do something unique to motivate the whole class and get them doing something 'out of the box' - most don't like it.

As I look up now, I see most working. Some are trying to finish the novel. Some are rereading the conclusion to make sure they get it. One kid is being a jack ass.

I guess this isn't a bad thing, but it just is frustrating when you try to get the kids to do something a little different (and research shows you have to start teaching out of the box) yet the kids are so conditioned that they want to just be given an assignment to complete instead of work in teams and discuss.

I guess it's just that damn time of the year where I start to wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Just this morning I had to run to the grocery store. There I saw a student who was in the first class I ever taught here. He asked me how the kids are. I found myself answering quite honestly, "Most are little shits. They aren't like the used to be. Maybe it's them; maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm getting to be an old crab."

The words were out before I could even check them. And they shocked me. Do I really believe this? I usually don't talk about kids this way. But after dwelling on that this morning, I realize that right now it is true.

Maybe it's because I expect more out of the kids than I ever have before, but I look at the class and see a percentage of students (a scary percentage) who have no damn chance. I have one kid who is raising his family. His Mom abandoned them. His father's occupation causes him to be gone for long periods of time. The kid has anger issues and health issues and God knows what else. At first, I really liked him. But now that he has started to think that we're buddies I can't stand him. I hate everything he proudly stands for - today his shirt reads "I Am Dirt." This morning he stopped in during my prep hour to tell me that he quit smoking but started chewing. What the hell could I say to that? I was busy as hell and said that he was swapping one ill for another. Then he started using the guilt trip saying how he didn't want to bug me because I was so busy (I told him yesterday that I couldn't help him because I was busy. He was stopping in to make up assignments from four weeks ago. And they're assignments I've given him already). So the kid already knows how to work the system. Should I have given him a lecture on how my father died from smoking and chewing? Is that all this kid needs is another lecture? Do I want to involve myself personally with a kid who has it in him to do some real damage to the school and student body?

What scares me is that this group of students is growing. So I spend so much time disciplining and that crap that too little learning gets done. Then what happens to the high end kids who I can never challenge because of all the dead weight?

Last night Kristie finished "The Giver." She was almost in tears. Poor Jonas. Yet, she read the denouement as optimistic and I always read it as pessimistic. This began a good hour conversation.

At the end of our discussion I thought, I wish my students (well, my American Lit kids) could have an experience like that. Or at least have a conversation like that. But I have to worry about all of them actually reading it. Then I have to worry about many of them being able to read it (don't kid yourself, I have several - if not more - reading at elementary school levels). Then I have to worry about many understanding it (even though TKM is not a challenging read). I have one girl - the one who said, "What? What was the question again?" who lacks higher order thinking skills. She didn't get why the people in "The Lottery" just didn't move away or not pick up rocks. She didn't get why the jury would convict Tom when it was impossible for him to have beaten Mayella.

Now those last couple questions can make for a great class. I can get her up the ladder of higher order thinking skills. I could if I didn't have to worry about reading levels, one kid falling asleep because he's diabetic and his Dad is a piece of shit who never feeds him properly, one kid who is carving "Jesus Freak" into his arm, one kid who scrawls all over my back desk and who barely says a word, one kid who is a conflict away from a school shooting.

You don't know how much I'm looking forward to my College Comp class coming in and watching the film "Crash" and then writing an evaluation of it. Why can't more of our bulk population be like them? What causes the drastic difference? Reading scores? Home life? Personality? Teachers? Guidance counselors? Friends? What?