Funeral

Today we buried Dad. Thanks to everyone who came to the wake and funeral and to all those who sent cards and messages. I am truly blessed to have such friends and colleagues.

After the wake we had a dinner in the church basement. This is unusual for wakes. But members of Barb's church wanted to serve a meal, so we had dinner after the wake. I bet we stayed at least an hour, if not longer, visiting and remembering Dad.

We did the same after the funeral. We had another lunch. Then we went out to Evergreen cemetery for the final ceremony. After that we returned to our house for another lunch (the food has been pouring in). We sat around for several hours talking and laughing and remembering and laughing and joking and laughing. Then we opened the letters and cards. With the donations we are going to order two cement benches for the small cemetery where Dad and Mom are buried. Dad loved that place and was vice-president of the cemetery board when he passed away. It is actually on land donated by my great-grandfather, Myrtle's father. The old Demann farm was just down the road. It's a fitting final resting place for Mom and Dad.

The only unpleasantness occurred last night. My mom had a larger family than my father - Jean (her only sister), Dick (who died this fall), and Jack and Jim (twins). My uncle Jack is a different character. He is quiet and aloof. But I've always gotten along with him. In fact, I had a nice visit with him and Kristie, Dad, Barb, and I went down to the cities this fall for my Dick’s funeral.

I was really surprised that Jack even showed. Two years ago when Mom passed, Jack and his wife had a cruise booked and chose that over attending Mom's funeral. That stung, but it is what it is.

Then this summer when Jim and his wife were up to Minnesota from Colorado, they decided to go down to visit Jack and his wife after they left our place. Jim called my dad later quite disgusted. For Jack and his wife didn't even take any time off to visit with Jim and his wife - and they hadn't seen each other in years. Jim felt like an inconvenience.

When Dad passed on Tuesday, we all made lists of whom to call. Jack was on mine. Barb said he might be out of town but to call and leave a message. So I called the number Jack had given Barb. But it was the wrong number. Then I emailed them. But apparently nothing got through.

On Thursday, Barb called information and tracked down Jack's number. When she got a hold of him, he was very abrupt with her and offered no condolence. They wouldn't be able to attend the funeral because they had plans and hadn't been notified in time. She was quite shaken by this. He was apparently hurt by our lack of conern in contacting him. He had found out about Dad’s death from a friend.

So on Saturday, after our wonderful visit after the funeral, she and her family returned home to find a card form Jack and his wife. It was a beautiful card, but then his wife added that Jack was personally hurt because a family member didn't call him. She said Jack and Dad were close and it really hurt that he hadn't been notified in time. Barb was shaken even more.

I advised her to write a response. I said to tell her, "Jack it goes both ways. We are sorry you weren't notified in time. However, we had much to deal with. I'm sorry that you feel that you have to be petty and put yourself in front of a family grieving the death of their father."

Kristie talked with Barb and advised her to send the whole card back to them so they can read it and see it with a fresh set of eyes. Then Barb typed up her own letter to send along with it.

It's just a downer to have to deal with something so petty. I'm just glad this is a rarity for our family.

In fact, now that I think of it, I might add a letter of my own -

Jack,

We are sorry you weren't personally contacted by a family member. We hope the hurt feelings can be healed. For we all healed after you chose to go on a cruise when every other member of your immediate family found a way to make it up for Mom's funeral.